Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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