you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
