how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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