dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
