She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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