She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
