I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
