i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
