There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
