For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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