you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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