Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Randomize
