Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Randomize
