someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
