If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
