He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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