A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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