if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
