toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
