someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
