Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
