I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
