I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
and she was petting her beer can
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize