I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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