I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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