Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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