My underwear smells like fireworks.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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