I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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