but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
