I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize