we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
