You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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