It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
