ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
