Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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