I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
