hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize