Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
