Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
