Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
