i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Randomize
