is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
