Christians are straight up FREAKS
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
