The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
