He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
