Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
