homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
