im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I think im going to throw up on grandma
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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