My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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