i jhust puked up my retainher.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
