: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
