Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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