new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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