D3 body, D1 cock
I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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