Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize