can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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