I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
