My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
