brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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