I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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